valley house

don't you love those mornings...those precious mornings when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed after working a 13 hour day? those mornings when you husband has an AM meeting to attend and due to only having one car you have to go to work...an hour early...after working a 13 hour day.

those mornings when you get very little sleep, after being on your feet for 13 hours, wearning heels becuase you work events and feel you need to look spiffy. those mornings when you tweek your back lifting cases of wine and WALKING AROUND ON HEELS FOR 13 HOURS.....what was i thinking?

those mornings when your husband fails to brew coffee after sleeping in a little. lets the dog out, but just a little too late...the little one had another accident. those mornings when the big dog gallivants around the yard just to come in and spread mud everywhere, thank you husband, for being so tired yourself that you failed to wipe paws off....WE ALWAYS WIPE PAWS OFF! more cleaning, piddle cleaning, muddy paw cleaning, cleaning hair, falling asleep while doing make up....sigh.

adult life is over rated! i've said it before and i'll say it again. how do nurses work 12+ hour shifts, on their feet, working with sick (and thus tired/pain ridden/cranky) individuals, with a smile on their face?! I mean I guess they get 3-4 days on and 3-4 days off...but wow....i admire them. in fact, i admire anyone who does what i've done the past few weeks, on a daily basis....ok, ok, not the heels, events, lifting, pulling muscles, drity dog type of stuff...not many need to do all of THAT...but those long, hard work days....sheesh

ya know...i dream of having so little needs and desires that i can afford to live a glorious, full life, without needing to work my tail off. andy and i had a long covo the other day about "types" of people...women especially. we agreed that there are people are, obviously, motivated by a number of very diverse things. but there are definitely those individuals who are more "career" oriented and then those who are more "family" oriented. now, don't get me wrong....my little blog is not factual, it is based souly on option and thought...perspectives from this little brain. but i feel that "career" vs "family" drive deep in my soul.

see, i know many people are so career driven b/c they want to provide for their families....i totally understand that. and then i know so many people who are career driven because having xy&z career is their dream. it's their fulfillment. however, i am so the opposite. i would rather work enough to live a beautifully comfortable life...with a family....being physically with my family. i would rather be the homemaker while the husband is at work. i almost hate to say that...but i don't have much of a desire to be the breadwinner. ii see my future title as "wife and mother' rather than "wedding coordinator" or "director of yada/yada" and i always have. here, part of me feels ashamed to say that. not that wife and mother aren't exceptionally difficult and grueling jobs, but i know there have been so many to come before me...working so hard to get away from that "all you can do/be is a mother...it is your role as a female." but it's not my heart.

when i was younger and asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, my answer was always, "an artist and a collector." although i'm not much of either of those things now, i've never been that being that's answered, "a teacher" (not to say i haven't toyed with the idea), or "a fire fighter" or what have you. i've wanted to life this fluid, creative, care free life. granted that's not how it's turned out. i work a 8-5. i have bills to pay. i have animals to care for. a home that needs updating, yeah, yeah. but someday, i honestly hope not to have to work these hours. i hope that i can find fulfillment in that mother role. and i sure hope andy's business can continue to be successful...oh life.