i'm feeling extremely blah today. a few happenings this week have really bottomed me out and left me emotionally drained. nothing is ruined, nothing is horrific, but i. am. tired. i guess i'm always tired but right now i feel a little shattered. usually, once or twice a month i feel terrible like this. although it's not always clockwork, i can usually see it coming. this week was a surprise. sunday was hard for unexplainable reasons, i told myself monday was a new day and would be better. it was not. tuesday was ok and wednesday started out fine, was exceptionally rocky and then ended ok. today, Thursday, my heart and eyes feel heavy. i feel weighted down with everything going on, everything not going on, my lack of this or that.
i feel saddened by the loss of friends-may it be because i cannot stand even the littlest bit of BS to a fault-which results in pushing people away to avoid being hurt, or my bestie moving away last month. may it be age that has resulted in growing further away from my close friends, or my current state of "too busy and not enough energy to make any new friends" that leaves me at a loss. who knows. but my heart feels heavy.
i feel pain for those families i know who are going through pain. who have stressful situations. family members passing away, sick children, jobless and lonely homes. i feel guilty for feeling bad without legitimate reason-or maybe a million little tiny reasons that don't even add up to what others are going through.
perhaps it's the gray weather. seattle hasn't given me what i remember from summers past. there haven't been good times mixed in with school. it's just been work and work and work and gray weather. i don't mean to be a downer, but today i'm down.