writing this post in my current state - two 7pm mimosas deep - is likely a bad idea, but here it goes. the pressure is on people....okok, i'm not sure if "pressure" is the right word...encouragement, self induced (nopunintended) dream....is probably more accurate...but the pressure to have a child is on. everyone around me is prego or in labor or in fact a parent already. some of my favorite friends, family friends, people, bloggers, pets and the list goes on, are about to be or are already....parents.
i watch videos of my favorite blogger's kids and my maternal desire...that desire (at 26 y/o) that looked at a martha stewart wedding mag of a 23 y/o megan with her baby and thought/said out loud to my high school boyfriend, "i hope this is me whe i'm 23!" yearns for that infant...and then i realize my life, as is, is so fantastic....i'm fearful of the change. at the same time, desire and fear mix....a sign?
THAT fear, and the desire to travel, finish my house, experience life (late nights of champagne and dancing, for example, shameless shopping sprees, etc), save tons of dollars and NOT be big, fat and prego at a friends summer wedding, when i'd like to fit into my old clothes, etc....all ring loudly in my ear.
I am torn. I have an unfinshed house, a dog pack that desires 110% attention, a job that requires lots of foot time and a handful of late nights, a husband with a brand new business, and EUROPE, ASIA THE WORLD calling my name...the world and processco and sushi....calling my name.
alas, my time is not now, likely it is not soon even, the husband, although on board (for the future), is HARDLY on board....oh baby brain. oh baby fever. how you haunt me so. how you come in waves. how you drive me insane. leave me alone, please.